Even though I should read Dr. Sears Baby Book, I read Wine for Dummies.

Even though I know I should wake up at 6:30 to go to yoga class, I sleep until 8 and run around with my kids, twirling around, skipping, and lifting them up over my head. Just as good of a workout for body and for soul.

Even though I think I should save every penny for camera equipment, I buy shoes.

Even though I know I should be grateful for what I have and hold onto to old pieces of furniture, I sell the old stuff to make room for some new stuff.

And even though I know my moisturizer, foot and hand cream, shampoo and conditioner, and my makeup too contain all sorts of weird chemicals, I use them. I want nice skin, smooth hands and feet, a clean mane (roar), and lipstick. I just do.

Even though I think I ought to encourage my daughter to play with her wooden, natural, educational toys, I laugh when she and her brother play with their colorful, plastic McDonalds’ set.

Even though I know gasoline and oil are wrecking the Gulf, ruining natural life and wrecking the lives of people who depend on a clean ocean, I fill my tank up and drive. I say to myself, “I want to help but I need to drive. I live in this world.” So I think about making a donation or collecting Toby’s hair to ship to the cleanup crews. Pet hair apparently absorbs oil.

And even though I sat down to check e-mail and only e-mail, I wrote this post.

What do you do when you know or think that you ought to be doing something else?

What I know is, sometimes it feels good to break my little rules, the shoulds, the oughts. It’s somehow liberating.

With Levi’s first birthday less than a month away, I decided to put together a slideshow of his first year here on planet Earth. For the last week or so, my hubby’s been taking the kids outside for a half hour to an hour so that I could review, organize, re-edit, and pull together my favorite photos from our first twelve months together. What I notice is that the number of photos increases somewhere around Levi’s fourth or fifth month, which I think corresponds with when life with two babes and ppd started to improve for me. The urge to be snap snap snap happy returned (I remember forcing my family to sit in front of the wreathes at Whole Foods and asking a bypasser to photograph us after I’d set up my camera. My hubby endures a lot, :-) ).

Anyway, I wanted to photograph Levi with and without an adorable little boy outfit on (they are hard to come by after all). I wanted to remember his pudgy baby thighs, butt, little belly, arms and legs, and oh of course, his adorable chubby baby cheeks. And now, my little bear has six teeth!

Meanwhile, Annabelle is snapping away with her own camera. She’s more enthusiastic about photographing flowers, our home, and her feet than her baby brother, but I have to say she makes a fine assistant. Most of the photos where Levi is smiling, I owe to her.

And some in a cute outfit that I searched high and low for. What’s up with the abundance of cute girl clothes and the shortage of cute boy clothes? Little boys need cute clothes too!

To celebrate Baby H’s one year birthday, I met with the S family for a morning session at their home.  Before the session, I met with Mrs. S to talk about the location of the shoot, clothes for the photos, and different kinds of portraiture . . . since my portfolio is in its early stages, I brought along a great book of stock photos that I’d picked up a few weeks before, which I’ll use until I can bring along albums of my own work to show clients.

On the day of the shoot, we started inside with Baby H and then moved outside for a little bit of play and pictures with her sister G; G loved being photographed and likewise the camera loved her too.  So expressive, such a free spirit.  After crawling around on my hands and knees and photographing the girls, their dog R and their roses, we regrouped for the family portraits.  As a final touch, we drove a mile down the road to a gorgeous old barn and asked the farmer whether we might take photos in front of the barn’s bright American flag.  Again I found myself crawling around and rolling around in the grass.  Great great fun.  Here’s a little peak at our session:

On Saturday afternoon, with the rains passing and the sun shining through, I met with the P– family for a portrait session. I’d met “mom” and “dad” P– while they were waiting for baby number one, R, now six years old, to arrive. Over these last years, I watched R grow and grow and welcome a baby sister, N. I would be lying if I didn’t own up to the fact that baby R made me ache for my own baby . . . Annabelle arrived almost 2 1/2 years later.

Anyway, these are a few photos from our session together. Fun, fun, fun! And nerve racking too! I had butterflies in my stomach the entire ride to the session (shot on location at the P– family’s home) and it made me appreciate just how much I love photography and how excited I am by new photographic challenges. Before our session, I made sure that I had read up a bit on photographing groups (coordinating clothing and settings as well as knowing which aperture and shutter speeds best produce sharp photos, especially when a group includes children). I also picked up a few props (which we didn’t end up using) and talked with my mentor about how she works a family photo session. With my own family, I tend to crawl around and photograph life as it is unfolding . . . my mentor told me that that is how she handles portraiture . . . a photojournalistic style. While I do not mind posing folks and giving direction, I am finding that I am most comfortable letting the best photographs happen naturally.

Working with kids again (who are not my own) added another layer to the work and overall I have to say that it was fun. What I’m learning is that the best thing a photographer can do is just relax, let people be who they are (kids included) and never ever ever ask someone to smile. Not only is the result usually a fake one but also comes across as uncomfortable too.

Well, here are the photos; hopefully they speak to who the P– family really is:

I love Love. Last October, when I photographed my first wedding, I remember feeling so so happy, giddy almost. I loved watching the bride get ready, walk down the aisle, and share one of her and her husband’s big moments as a couple with their family and friends. Their happiness was contagious. Or maybe it’s just me . . . Love, emotion, passion . . . ah, I’m just a lover of love.

So, earlier this Spring, when I learned my friend C was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I love babies. I mean, maybe you’re thinking, well, didn’t you have postpartum depression? Doesn’t that mean you loathe babies? And maybe you’re not thinking that at all. But I’ll tell you my thoughts on babies anyway. I love them. They are so so precious. Symbolically, a baby represents the perfect union of a couple’s love for each other. Babies are innocent, they are heavenly, and oh the smell of a baby; that new smell, you know what I mean?

My friend C also happens to be quite beautiful and I was very very eager to do a session with her. Having reached 35 weeks, she agreed, and the following are a few of my favorite photographs from our two hours together.

C, you are amazing, you are beautiful, and oh, I cannot wait to meet your little girl!

I am setting a new blogging goal, and that is, to get on here and blog. At least once a week. Let’s just say that it’s been busy here. Annabelle finished preschool a month ago, I’m now volunteering for two support groups, and today, I officially go on an interview to teach yoga. Also, whenever I sit down, I’m trying to read as much as I can about yoga, photography, parenting, and postpartum disorders. It’s a lot. And, honestly, I’m wondering why I’m taking on a lot, but that is for a different post.

Today, I wanted to share little bit about what Annabelle, Levi and I have been up to on a day to day basis. In many ways I feel like I’m back doing some homeschooling with them, though I keep a folder and call it “learning at home.” I print out, mostly Waldorf, activities for us to try. Last week, we learned about birds, attending a bird song class and observation, reading about birds, and going on nature walks to listen and look for birds. This week, we’re reading stories about caterpillars and butterflies, going on nature walks to look for them (still none to see so far as I can tell), doing dot art to create our own butterflies and then simply coloring in butterfly and caterpillar sheets. Yesterday at the pool, Annabelle even made up a butterfly dance where she, the butterfly, collected nectar from flowers. I’m thinking that we’ll see where all this takes us and just continue learning about whatever animal, bug, letter, number, language, that Annabelle wants to learn about. Isn’t this what unschoolers do?

And we play. We play outside a lot, though the heat and humidity do encourage inside playdates too. In the mornings, we get outside a bit and now and then, when I bring the camera, Annabelle and I take turns taking photos. I’d actually combed my hair and put on a bit of makeup, even brushing Levi’s hair into a faux hawk. Annabelle helped tame the hawk, and I had a ball just following Levi around with my camera while he crawled up the neighbors steps, invaded their entryway and posed next to their UPS delivery. Fun times.

How are you and your babes holding up in this heat?

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine told me that she and her family spend a few minutes each night sharing 5 good moments from their days.  She wanted to encourage gratitude and positive thinking at the end of the day.  I thought about  how I and my family could benefit from this positive end of day ritual and how it could help us to communicate more too.  So, I tried it out this past Friday night at dinner.  Among our list of good moments were:

“My tea time date with Mommy”

“Waking up in time for yoga”

“Free lunch”

“Climbing to the top of the stairs” (we ad libbed for Levi)

“Jumping on the moon bounce”

“Taking a nap”

******

As I look back over the week, I remember so many good moments.  Mostly I feel as though I’m in a bit of “achievement” mode; setting many mini goals  and pushing myself to reach further and yet do so with balance and restraint.  This week, I feel good that:

1. Postpartum Support Reston is up and running!  We had our first meeting, took care of some basic organization, and are planning on sending out educational packets and advertisements to local doctors’ offices.  Oh  my goodness, I cannot tell you how happy I am that this group exists.

2. I finally read through my Yoga Bible, made index cards of asanas (or poses) that I practice frequently, and am studying the sanskrit names too.  I’m also watching a therapeutic yoga series that includes lessons on anatomy as well as healing and preventative practices for a wide range of injuries, etc.

3. I am making time for my Attachment Parenting Support Group responsibilities, like filing our yearly financial report, setting up and preparing for meetings in a space that is child safe and friendly, including engaging activities for kids, and more space for mamas to talk with and support each other.  I’m also learning to speak up and let my co-leaders know when I need to step back and let go of responsibility.  Because I want to be involved a wide range of activities, above all else mothering and my relationship with my husband, it makes sense to me that I am honest with myself and others about what I can and cannot do.  I need to say, “Yes, I can do this,” and be comfortable with saying, “No, I can’t accomplish x, y, z.”  And that’s okay.

4. Clients are setting up sessions with me!  I’ve updated my portfolio and added a slideshow to my webpage as well.  I added music, which only plays when a viewer selects slideshow (I know that some viewers do not like coming to a website that is blaring music at them). I’d love to know what folks think about the site updates . . . “technically challenged”me is patting herself on the back for the little changes made.

and . . .

my house is sort of clean.  Sort of.  And my garden is growing, though I know there are pests among my mint and I just noticed that an heirloom section of parsley fried in the sun.  It’s been hot.

But, getting back to why I feel good about this week:

the pool opened!  and, our A.C. is functioning!  Woo hoo!

Last, I’ll leave with this cute portrait I did of Annabelle at her last ballet class for the Spring.  All the extra hugs, kisses, and sweet words she’s been giving me these past weeks are really making me smile . . . maybe, just maybe, the terrible 3s are over.  Maybe.

“Levi?!?  What’re you doing?”

“Uhhh . . . nothin’ . . . What’d you think I was doing?”

“Levi?  What are you doing?”

“Uh, uh, I’m organizing.  I’m organizing our recycling.”

“Organizing the recycling, huh?  How about you back up five steps and organize the bottom shelves of the pantry you just pulled apart?”

“Huh?”

*******

Levi’s first official word is, “Uh-oh.”   Being that this is my first boy baby, I have to say, his choice of words couldn’t be more appropriate.  What am I going to do with you Levi?  You’re too cute . . . too curious, my little monkey.

On Monday we thought we’d fly a kite.   I thought I’d snap some great sky shots for Beth’s You Capture Sky challenge. It was hotter than hot and there was no wind.  The park we drove to was covered with litter from weekend soccer games and Memorial Day festivities.  We spent a half hour, piece by piece, picking up the grounds.  I wanted to make an angry phone call to our county’s waste management.  I didn’t.  Instead we made up our minds to go swimming.  So we did.

But later in the day, again I took out my camera, determined to get a few photos of the sky.  Bleh.  No clouds.  Practically no color.  So I decided to put Levi in his stroller and we walked and walked and walked until I could find a few ripples here and there above the rows of houses.

We walked so far that Levi fell asleep.  The heat was heavy; I was certain we would get a hot storm.  I waited and waited.

and then, nothing.  It was just hot . . . the air, the sky, the weather: none were budging.

So I decided to take some nighttime photos of my garden.

which I haven’t given much time to this year, except to water it when Annabelle pulls out the hose.

It does help though to live next door to an avid gardener.  Isn’t this one a beauty?  That one, up there.

But our vegetable garden is going strong.  My husband prunes the tomatoes, weeds through the cucumbers.

me?  mostly I am learning the lesson of letting go.  A few weeds here and there.  Tall tall plants.  Lush lush garden.  And I am there, now and again.

to see its beauty

and to wonder, what nature will do next.

So far this weekend

my husband, the “All American Dad” drew this awesome flag to celebrate Memorial Day.  I swear, there are moments when he really does remind me of Stan from American Dad, which I think makes me Francine, though if I really had to decide I’m something of a Haley/Francine without all the smoking.  Anyway I had to grab my camera . . .

and I’m glad I did because then my adorable munchkins agreed to pose for pics

Levi had no problem getting covered in red, white, and blue,

meanwhile, Annabelle tried to coax her brother to pose for a pic with her,

and the artist rested,

but the art admirers?  Busy still getting covered in chalk,

until at last, it was time for new adventures.

We’re planning to eat ice cream, go swimming and biking, and maybe head to a Memorial Day parade.  What are you up to this weekend?