I love this man.
and I love this little girl. Her spirit. Her kindness. Her spunk.
and oh boy. this little boy has stolen my heart.
In 2009, our family of 3 was on its way to 4 . . . little spud was building himself through the winter, spring, and summer. He arrived in his own time (and uh, a little kick in the ass from his mom. Amen for castor oil). I gave birth to him at home in the presence of his father, his grandma, and his big sister. And our cat Toby was there for Levi’s arrival too. Big big event in our house. Big big event in the universe too.
Then I figured out I was struggling real hard. It was more than the mommy blues. It was more like mommy wants to drive off into the sunset and never go back blues. Yup, postpartum depression did not make me feel like me. And yet it was a blessing. I got treatment for years of untreated anxiety and depression. Thank you to the doctors and therapists and friends and my local Y for helping me get myself back. These last four months I feel like I’ve grown into myself. I feel better than I have in years. It only took falling into the depths of hell and climbing back out. And at first, barely.
2009, believe it or not, was a blessed year. I’m healthy. My mom, my sister, my nephew, my husband’s family, my kids, my husband and me too seem to be on the up and up. Two engagements this year. A marriage. A growing garden. Pictures up on the walls. Lots and lots of photographs taken. Annabelle turned 3 and started preschool. I met and “discovered” a wonderful community of people in my neighborhood. I let go of so much stuff (the shitty sort and what I wasn’t making use of anymore, metaphorically and literally), and I opened up and let whole new worlds in (really getting to know friends I have known for years). What more could a gal ask for?
In the coming year, I hope to keep doing what I’m doing. I want to learn more (as much as I can) about the art of photography. I want to photograph my kids and what my eyes and heart see, everyday. Everyday. I want to see my friends. Learn who they are . . . what I can offer them. I want to travel. I feel more confident that I can go places and sleep okay . . . that I won’t go 4 straight days without sleeping; that’ll keep feeling good and being good and doing good for my family and myself. I want to help others.
A happy new year to you all. See you in 2010, :-)
Warmly,
Jessica
{ 9 comments }
So glad that 2009 is going out on a good note for you. Happy New Year!
Thanks for sharing this, Jessica. I’m so glad that what started off hellish and rotten ended with grace and beauty and, most importantly, hope.
Also, thanks for your encouraging comment on my blog. Happy new year!
I love the sweet, sweet photos of your family. There is so much courage and determination in your words. I wish you and your family the very best year ahead!
I can’t wait to read more “Days of You and Me.”
i am so happy to hear how well you all are. i sure do miss your blogging :)
What a lovely post! Happy New Year to you and your beautiful family!! I look forward to reading more into 2010!
Beautiful photos of your sweet family. It is so great to read your words, you have been through so much mama I am happy things are feeling back to a better place. Best wishes to you in this new year, I look forward to reading your writing and enjoying your photos! xo
Jessica,
So glad you’re sounding and feeling like yourself again, even better, if possible!
I do believe it’s true that what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. Our family had faced some really rough times almost ten years ago, like you can’t even believe you’ll see yourself out the other side. . . but, then, when you do, you’re even stronger and you don’t take anything for granted any more!
I don’t know how you can get any better as a photographer—or a Mom for that matter—but I know you’ll enjoy spending time perfecting both. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
BTW, LOVE the new blog title and look!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Much love,
Ruth (aka Everydaywoman)
Happy New Year, Jessica! I have followed your story and I am so glad that you are coming out the other side, with grace and strength. Here’s to an amazing 2010!
Happy New Year! Thanks for being an inspiration. I like the new name :)
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