The month of October, which is already one of my favorite months, has officially been declared the first official Attachment Parenting Month! To celebrate the month, parents and AP minded adults everywhere are being encouraged to “Give Our Children Presence,” that is to focus our attention on our children rather than getting caught up in the day to day and coming hubbub that is the holiday season.
Coincidentally, I am working to complete my application to become a leader for Attachment Parenting International; hopefully I will be able to submit and begin the application process during the first ever AP Month!
Meanwhile, our family is going through a transition, adapting to the possibility of welcoming another little one into our lives (no, I am not pregnant! But there is some hope . . .), and as is the norm around here, coping with frequent night wakings (and sometimes a mom who is lying wide awake in the middle of the night for no reason other than she is used to being awake). So, when I reviewed my reading list for the AP leadership application and saw that I needed to reread and review a nighttime parenting book, I gladly headed for my bookcase, flipped open my book and began reading to see what more I could learn about this topic.
I selected Dr. Sears’ Nighttime Parenting, a book that I added to my parenting library several months ago. What I love about Dr. Sears’ approach to gentle nighttime parenting is that he advocates shared sleep and the family bed, but in his explanation of why sharing sleep is beneficial for our children and parents too, he acknowledges that sometimes, some families benefit from parents and children sleeping in separate beds because the parents must do so in order to parent more effectively during the day. That said, Dr. Sears notes that an infant’s cry is “more than just a sound” (74) and is a signal needed to influence his caretakers, and that when caretakers/parents do respond to their crying baby, they allow themselves to develop their “responding instinct” (76).
Isn’t it amazing how a book you read once before becomes another book the second and third times around? With my first reading of Nighttime Parenting, I had focused on sections devoted to “high need” babies since my daughter was not often mellow, loved to be held, and loved to sleep on her mamma’s chest (and still loves to sleep there, I might add). Let’s just say that attachment parenting worked naturally for our family because our daughter needed us to parent with A.P. principals in mind.
Months later with frequent night wakings due to teething and other developmental marks (like talking, counting, singing, and seeking play with other children), I found myself hoping to find a few pointers in Nighttime Parenting that would apply to parents of older toddlers like my own. While Dr. Sears describes ways to help baby sleep better, there is no distinct section on helping older infants, toddlers, and pre-schoolers sleep better; however, I did find that several of his suggestions worked well for our family. Below are a few tips from Nighttime Parenting that are working for us right now:
- Keep baby (your child) gentle and relaxed during the day. I am paying special attention to this suggestion since my daughter is sensitive and tantrum prone. By removing tantrum triggers and trying to stay connected and in tune with her feelings, energy levels, etc., I am noticing that sleep comes easier too.
- Include bedtime cues and rituals to signal that is time for sleep. Up until now I never appreciated the power of a warm bath combined with nursing as a sleep aid. I don’t remember our daughter ever responding to baths like this before; perhaps as she grows older and is more aware of her surroundings and feels more vulnerable too, getting to spend that special one on one time with mom or dad in the bathtub and combining such relaxation with nursing is just what she needs to settle in for sleep.
- A predictable bedtime. We’re not always successful with getting to bed at the same time; I find that it does help though . . .
- Nursing, rocking, and patting to sleep. After enduring several reoccurring courses of thrush (my daughter will often sleep with the nipple in her mouth because she is teething), I have made a simple change to our nursing routine. I nurse her before sleep and explain that once she falls to sleep, I will rub her back when she wakes up and give her water, but I will not nurse her because my “nummies” are asleep. So far, this explanation is working and my thrush is clearing up (thank goodness!).
- Dad laying his hands on baby’s back. For some reason, this just works. She loves the touch of her dad’s big hands rubbing her back.
What nighttime suggestions do you have for a family with a child (or children) who wake frequently? Also, what books have helped your family? I am always a student first, especially since parenting means so much to me. I appreciate hearing from you.
Jessica
my snuggly sleep sharer; how can I resist?
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October 10th, 2008 at 10:16 am
I’m a mother of three in Jakarta (Indonesia). I faced similar problems when each of my kids was very little.
Perhaps it’s the impact of the modern life we are living in now that our children don’t go to bed early and smoothly. Too much excited things going around in the house as well as outside the house.
There is a little girl in my neighborhood who goes to bed easily at always around 8 p.m. Her family has a very simple life. Her grandmother open a small grocery store in their little house, meanwhile her mother is a single mother and has quit working because she has to take care of her only child. At around 8 p.m their house is already dark. They all wake up as early as the sun rises(around 5 am).
From personal experience, I found that breastfeeding also helped. I brestfed my youngest till for 2.5 years.
Cheers
October 11th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Thank you for sharing your experiences as a mom of 3! Also, I appreciated the story of your neighbor who manages to parent well as a single parent; I often wonder how single parents are able to do it. It is challenging enough to parent one child with 2 parents! I am so grateful for my husband’s help as well as how much he loves our daughter.
Also, I am happy to hear that other moms are choosing to nurse beyond infancy; I hope to nurse my dd for as long as she would like. Nursing her to sleep does help most nights.
October 15th, 2008 at 12:02 am
I am all for “co-sleeping” but am not allowed to recommend it to parents at work which is so frustrating. Both my boys slept with us until they were about 18 months and happily moved into there own beds at that time. They still sleep with us when they are sick. I really think it helps them recover from colds more quickly. We have also had bedtime at 8pm every single night since they were very small and it has made bedtime a very easy transition time for them. We always bathe, read, brush teeth and go to bed. By 8:15 the boys are in all tucked and quietly in bed. It’s been nice.
October 19th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Regina, thank you for sharing a little bit about your bedtime routine. We are learning that including one that our dd can anticipate helps everyone relax before going to bed. Also, it is too bad that you cannot share the joys of co-sleeping with the parents you work with (is it a matter of the medical associations?). I remember that at La Leche League, parents discuss co-sleeping all the time (often in positive terms). Perhaps you could recommend literature to parents who sound as though they might benefit from co-sleeping? Dr. Sears is a great resource. Just food for thought.