This morning Annabelle and I made our weekly stop at the local library. I love to browse the new titles sections, check out the used magazines that the library sells (these are the only magazines I allow our family to purchase because of the monetary and environmental costs), and peak into the children’s section with Annabelle.
Today when we sat down, Annabelle ran over to the board book shelves, which are centrally located and easily accessible to small children, picked out a book, and ran back back to me to find a place on my lap. We read through an ABC book and color book before Annabelle decided that book time on Mamma’s lap is a wonderful opportunity for nyum-nyum time (or nursing).
I scanned our surroundings to see whether other parents and children were around to observe Annabelle breastfeeding. While I do not mind nursing in front of other people, I also want others to feel comfortable (and sometimes other parents do not want their older children to see a breastfeeding mother). I approached the page volunteer to ask whether or not I might nurse in the children’s activity room. She was unsure about the program schedule and suggested I check with the children’s desk. There, the librarian told me I could nurse in the activity room but that it is a public space and that I should expect other patrons to come into the room. I thanked her and headed for the room where I comfortably nursed Annabelle and read to her.
Navigating the library and finding a safe space to nurse is usually an easy task, however, there are places and times of day where breastfeeding in public is not only challenging but sometimes uncomfortable. Sadly I have felt a neighbor’s disapproving eyes on me when I nursed Annabelle in front of her (although I am unsure what her anxiety is about a mother breastfeeding her child).
Luckily, there are many breastfeeding mothers and pro-breastfeeding women and men out there who encourage nursing mothers to nurse their children. While I was thinking about my own concerns about breastfeeding in public, I came across Baby Maternity’s tips about this very subject. These tips remind breastfeeding mothers what their rights are for nursing in public and includes helpful hints for safe and comfortable nursing.
So the next time your child asks or signals that he or she would like to nurse in a public space, I hope that you will feel empowered to do so. How do you handle nursing in public? What are your ideas about discreetly nursing or openly nursing? Have you ever had a breastfeeding experience in public that surprised you? I’d love to hear others’ thoughts.
{ 9 comments }
Of course I don’t breastfeed (I have no children), but I do strongly advocate breastfeeding. However, I simply must share this story… While on a field trip with my high school students, we stopped for lunch and I saw a group of boys staring at something behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of a mother nursing her child. Now, I personally have no problem with that, but I couldn’t believe she was doing it right there with all of those teenage boys staring. I would have been very uncomforatble, but apparently she wasn’t. Or maybe she was trying to make a point, or something, but it was a very strange situation.
I couldn’t resist the chance to comment on this topic, something that is near and dear to my heart (and breasts!) Having nursed my three children for a combined total of ten years (at least), I have a bit of experience. In my opinion, it is the absolute best experience for both child and mother, if it works out for you (the mom). It’s so funny to hear Annabelle’s name for nursing because my youngest (now 19) had a very similar name: “nummies,” which he coined, we figured from “nursing” and “yummy.” He would also ask for “nummytime.” Anyway, I digress. . . I think it’s quite possible and easy to nurse an infant or young child discretely in a public place, using sensible options to cover the breast in a way that won’t make others feel uncomfortable. I found that two piece outfits (top and skirt or pants, for example) work well because you can easily slip your shirt up without exposing your whole breast. Also a shawl or blanket offers a bit of camoflauge. I realize there are many clever items on the market now to help with this, but simple items like a blanket work equally well.
As my children got older and nursing really wasn’t just for nourishment anymore . . . it was more of a time to relax and bond before naptime or bedtime, so this took place in the privacy of our home. My children never took a bottle and went straight from breast to cup, so if it’s a matter of a screaming infant who is really hungry in public, I wouldn’t ever hesitate to nurse right then and there, taking into account some simple accommodations to make all feel comfortable: my baby, myself, and the public.
With my son, I was younger and braver, I guess. I nursed him everywhere. Yes, there were stares but my mom (a pioneer La Leche Leaguer) was always supportive. Once I was discreetly nursing him, (blanket covering him and me)on a bench in the mall, and some people were staring. My mom said, “why can woman walk around this mall showing their butt cracks, and cleavage and no one cares, but a mother feeding her child makes people uncomfortable?” I couldn’t agree more. Now my teenage son is regularly exposed to half naked men and woman everywhere we go, and yet the stigma for breastfeeding is larger.
My daughter wasn’t as easy to breastfeed in public. She refused to be covered and likes to stop and look around while eating. So we have spent much time in public bathrooms. Even there I have had stares and one comment. Someone asked how old she was, I said 13 months (at the time) and they said, “you still breastfeed?” I have also nursed her while flying and at that point, didn’t give a rats what anyone thought. Now at 20 months we still enjoy nursing. She hasn’t had a bottle or pacifier ever and I haven’t had to pump with her. So that has been nice and convenient. When we lived in Portland, Oregon I felt I could breastfeed anywhere. Everyone does and it is widely accepted and supportive…so that was nice. Now the issue I deal with is, “when are you gonna wean her?” ahhh~ why is something so natural looked upon as so strange? I will never get it. I can only assume us woman have been sexualized so much in our society that our body parts are not even looked upon as natural, functioning organs.
Abbie, I have been the mother you described your high school students staring at. I’m not sure whether I was trying to make a point, but I do know that I was in the Museum of Natural History and needed to feed my hungry and crying daughter (she was between 15 and 17 months).
Everyday woman, I agree that a cover of some sort can help a nursing mother have privacy and allow those in the public (who I assume are uncomfortable with the natural part of life that breastfeeding is) to feel at ease. At the same time, I feel like I am in a bind when my daughter wants to tear a cover off and exposes my breast in public. Then I simply tell myself that by breastfeeding my daughter in front of other(s), especially potential parents and their families, that they will come to see that breastfeeding is normal, and not something to be disgusted by, etc.
Michelle, I have definitely gotten stares when nursing Annabelle either in public or in front of extended family. I’m not sure why people have a problem with extended nursing. I fear that people find continuing breastfeeding beyond infancy to be a perverted act or one that indicates a weakness or dependency on behalf of the mother or child or both. This saddens me; breastfeeding is a nurturing activity that encourages inter-dependency within the family. Even husbands can recognize how much they are needed because a breastfeeding mother and her children may call upon a father’s support, by asking for coverage in public, and in simply knowing that dad believes that breastfeeding is benefiting the relationships within his family.
It is my hope that our society will become not only more accepting of breastfeeding mothers and children in the public sphere, but that society also encourages and supports women to nurse their children for at least the 2 years recommended by the World Health Organization.
I have it a bit easier right now because my Annabel is only nine months old(still within the publicly “approved” time to breast feed). I do breastfeed anywhere – but I rely on a bit of strange thinking. If the government (via public service announcements) is all supportive about breastfeeding right now (and yay for that) then of course I will breastfeed whenever and wherever I need to (and this has included the mall, public bathrooms, nursing rooms, various benches and shaded exhibits at the zoo, at the material store while I was looking at patterns, parking lots, coffee shops, bookstores, in the park…pretty much wherever I was when Annabel needed to nurse). I do have a nursing shawl that my mom made me – it is pretty much just a skirt with an elastic wasteband – which requires no fussing to put on – but sometimes I forget it. Annabel does love to expose me, but again – if the government wants me to breastfeed my baby then who cares.
I plan on nursing until she is at least two – I just think it is better for her both physically and emotionally. So, we’ll see how it goes as she gets older.
I also don’t know if it is regional, but where I live in New Orleans nobody has ever said anything and when people (adults, kids, families) notice they just discreetly don’t watch but they also don’t leave the area or try to shield their kids from seeing me.
Like you I feel it is important to be considerate of others when I breastfeed, but on the other hand I also believe it’s important to remember that we are the models for a new generation. As Mandy pointed out, breastfeeding is actively encouraged by health professionals and government programs because it is *good* for babies!
If we are to inspire a new generation of girls to breastfeed their children, then I think it’s important not to feel pressured to “hide” that fact, on the contrary the more women openly breastfeed, in my opinion, the more it will seem a normal natural thing! In fact, the only time I have experienced out and out uncomfortable vibes has been from people of my mother’s generation who simply are not as accustomed to *seeing* breastfeeding.
Although I do try to be somewhat discreet, in fact my *favorite* nursing mamas are those who just act natural. If they happen to flash a boob, they seem entirely non-plussed. That’s the way it should be! As you mamas have said — breastfeeding is normal!
When I am around other moms, especially breastfeeding moms, I find that acting natural and nursing my daughter comes, well, naturally.
On the other hand, there are times when Annabelle wants to nurse in front of folks (including other moms and adults of my parents and grandparents generation) who seem put off or even disgusted. Those are the times when acting natural doesn’t happen as easily for me.
Depending on my mood, I choose to either a) breastfeed and consider it the onlooker’s problem if he or she does not like to see a nursing mother and child, or b) I search for a more discreet location to nurse when available.
I totally agree that nursing in public is important because it is encouraged by health professionals and government programs and because we need to build a culture that supports breastfeeding mothers.
Amen, Hope. Breastfeeding IS normal!
I know this post is old, but I just came across it and I felt compelled to comment. I am still nursing my 20 month old daughter. I absolutely love nursing her. (although i could use a little more sleep at night, but that’s a different post.) I have nursed her everywhere. Some places I will never nurse her: in any restroom or under any cover of any kind. It is my God given and natural right to nurse her whenever and wherever I am. I will not cave to societies “discomfort.” It is not my responsibility to worry about another persons comfort level with regards to breastfeeding. It is my responsibility to respond to the needs of my child. If someone is uncomfortable with my breastfeeding then they can avert their eyes.
By covering yourself you are implying that there is something wrong or shameful about breastfeeding. That is not the case. Breastfeeding is a perfectly natural and normal thing. As long as us mothers continue to worry about other’s comfort levels and cover ourselves or try to be “discreet” then we are only promoting the status quo. We should proudly show the world how normal breastfeeding is and educate those who have a problem with it.
Shyllywlly, that’s awesome that you are continuing to nurse! My 20 month old is also nursing with no plans of weaning any time soon. I also agree with you that as mothers it is our primary responsibility to respond to our children’s needs. I wish I could reach the point, for myself and my family, where I no longer cared what society says. But, sometimes when I am nursing in front of others (family even), I feel incredibly uncomfortable and removing myself allows me to relax and nurse my daughter with greater ease.
Thank you for the encouragement and pro-breastfeeding comment. Breastfeeding is normal and hopefully our daughters will live in a world where everyone accepts it as natural and beautiful too.
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